Coping with Grief & Death
In September 2020, my world turned upside down when I heard that mum had advanced stage cancer, and there was nothing much that the doctors could do. It was also a difficult time as COVID raged around us.
I couldn’t process this news as to how this could happen to my mum as she is the most God fearing and faithful woman I’ve ever known. I thought that perhaps this is God’s way of teaching us a lesson, through her being sick. I prayed desperately during these months like I’ve never prayed before. The God of miracles and wonders, the Creator of the universe -there was nothing that He couldn’t do. So He could obviously heal my mum,but somewhere in me I still had that fear of what if he doesn’t and that feeling tore me apart.
Over the days, her health kept deteriorating. I wasn’t prepared for what was going to happen on the 29th of december 2020, when my mum left me to her heavenly home. I remember being so numb that day and everything felt so meaningless, almost like i didn’t have a purpose anymore. This was the time when I began questioning God: why me? why my family? I was lost and seeking for answers. I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by family,close friends and some good mentors that supported me and guided me through this journey.
This new phase in my life hit me like a truck and going through each day felt like a tough ask. Everyday routine felt impossible to go through without breaking down. I always felt breaking down as a sign of weakness. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to resume my normal life as soon as i could, so I tucked in all my feelings and moved on without giving a chance to process it.
It was during this phase that I met Sarmishta (Shammi), who I think is a catalyst to my journey of faith.
She reached out to me, to help me go through the season of grief and wanted to do grief counselling as a service for me. Initially I did not know how this would help me, but as the sessions went on I started finding answers. I found peace and assurance.
I realised that breaking down to God does not make you weak but only heals the heart.
Shammi had introduced me to the Psalms playlist, which gave me so much comfort and healing. I never realised the power of Psalms until then. It perfectly described the agony I was in and singing it out loud calmed me down in anxious times.
I realised the importance of clinging on to God and trusting the journey during these times, because he will never fail me. I believe he has a plan and purpose in my life and he has the perfect timing.
“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. ‘” — Jeremiah 29:11.
This journey in faith has a lot of ups and downs but it only keeps getting stronger, for I know that he keeps his promises and the hope that I will meet my mum again heals my heart.
Sancy is a student at a local college and has weathered much sickness, deaths and losses in the year of her mother’s homegoing. She has grown stronger in her faith and nearer to Jesus during her hours of trial.