Freedom from Porn
& Sexual Addictions
Perching down on the bathroom floor, I began to cry. Feelings of guilt over my sin stuck me. I felt I was in bondage, chained to my sins. Can I ever be set free? Does God love me? I must be so disgusting for Him to look at. I wanted to be perfect. Perfect for God. But I am not. How could I go to Him with such a sin as masturbation and pornography?
For the past 13 years I struggled on and off with this sin, I have no idea how it started to take reign over my life. Before I knew it I was addicted and in so deep I thought I would never be free. This is something I am going to carry with me to my grave. But thankfully, that was not what God had in my mind.
2018 was the year I moved to Bangalore for my higher studies. Now looking back this was the starting point of God working in my life and Sarmishta (Shammi) the instrument God used to draw me away from my sin and closer to Him. The first step to freedom was exposing my sin to Shammi. Till then no one knew of such a sin tearing away at my soul every day. Having done that, Shammi was then able to slowly peel of the layers hidden even to me. Every counselling session we would open our Bibles to see God. I believe for the first time I was able to take away my gaze from myself and my sin and look to God. The God who is bigger than my sin and the devil. The Christ Jesus who lived and died for me. The Holy Spirit who through the years in my weakness intercedes for me with groanings too deep for words, who gives me power to overcome.
Through Shammi’s time, prayer, wise counsel and accountability to her, God changed my heart’s desires. He is now my desire, my joy, my freedom, my righteousness and my life. There was no split second change. It was a slow growth, I fell sometimes and I still do fall. However, God in his Word reminds me, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1) and “the God of peace Himself will sanctify you completely…will keep you blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, He will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).
Praise be to God, I now am able to share of my struggles with my closest friends and let people know “no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man” (1 Corinthians 10:13). I no more have shame and guilt weighing down on me. Christ took it all. May His name be glorified forever and “His power made perfect in my weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Hope is here.
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