The Power of No

A short, crisp, and phonetically easy word that’s often misused in our day and age is the word ‘No’. No is a simple yet powerful word. In the Western world, it is the first verbal boundary marker for an individual. When babies refuse disgusting looking gooey grime targeted straight into their mouth, they let out with one little shout: No! When they grow into their little years and learn the right to own private property, they shoo friends away who try to take away their toys with one firm ’No!’ When they grow up into their teen years, they add gentleness to their firmness with a polite, ’No, thank you!’ whenever foisted upon with choices. This however is an alien concept in India.

In India, we are taught the opposite. From birth, we are trained to say ‘yes’ to everyone and everything. When disgusting food is brought near to our mouths, we are coaxed and coddled and finally the food is stuffed in despite agonizing cries. When old aunts hold us or pinch our plump cheeks, we are to gladly give in with a brimming smile else we are considered fussy babies. When called upon by the family to sing a song or play the violin for the guests who came for a visit, we must say ‘yes’ without a stutter else we earn the reputation of being belligerent kids. When old uncles pat our heads, hug us, or kiss on our cheeks, we are to say ’yes’ without batting an eyelid. When American companies ask Indian managers about the feasibilty of the project, we say, ”yes, yes!” with our characteristic side nod. When these same managers force an impossible deadline on their tech team , they are forced to say ”yes, yes!” even when they know they can’t. India is an entrenched yes culture that does not understand the word no, except in parenting relationships. It is one of the prime reasons that we conform to the pressures or our culture rather than challenge it.

I first learnt to say my firm ‘No’ when I became a Christian. Of course, if you asked my parents they would say I was always a naysayer. There’s a grain of truth in this statement within families with a strict religious upbringing. Let me explain. Growing up, hearing a ‘No’ was very common in my household, but saying a ’No’ wasn’t. If I wanted to go outside the gate of my home, it was a no. If I wanted to attend a friend’s birthday party, it was a no. If I wanted to sleepover, no. If I wanted to participate in the school choir, no. My grandfather even made it a point to choose friends for me and my sister! Until I was 16 I wasn’t even allowed to go to the corner of our 100 foot long street alone, let alone ride a public transportation with friends. So yes, considering that upbringing, I consider being called a naysayer a compliment. Yet, it wasn’t until Christ came into my life that saying my ‘No’ felt real and dangerous. Lisping it was brutal. It was devastatingly costly. It cut off my closest friends in college. It brought shame and dishonor on my family. It invoked threats, cried foul in family gatherings, invited ridicule, ostracized and diffused my social identity which was all I had since my birth.

When I was 18, my family undertook a pilgrimage to a south-Indian temple city. As was the custom, every individual needed to be part of the family identity and attend pilgrimages failing which they earned the ire of the family patriarch. My grandfather had passed away by then and I gently refused to go owing to my Christian convictions. Yet the gavel at home struck a resounding ’No, you must come!’ So I went, abiding. When I entered the dark and dingy inner court of the centuries-old temple of the goddess Meenakshi, my story turned out eerily different from my past encounters within this claustrophobic space. My ‘No’ took a profoundly loud and unabashed shape. When the high priest came with the customary miniature footsool of the goddess to bless me, I dodged his hand. When the holy ash and holy water were as poured into my hand, I flipped them instinctively behind me. My entire clan assembled in the tiny dungeon noticed and terror filled their faces, as they beheld my undecorated, pale face (for those who don’t know, the ash and saffron went on the forehead). There I was, my ’No’ turning out to be a war-cry and the gods arrayed against me in an unholy ensemble! Over the next few hours, my parents wailed and whimpered in secret, while my suspicious family taunted me with ”Christian” songs, prodding me to see if I would crack and open up. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Yet the very word ’No’, be it in my heart or my mouth, firmly established my right as a Christian and dispelled the enemies of God from my territory.

How often do we use the word ’No’ in our fight against the enemy and his taunts? I bet most of us don’t. Given our culture and nature to comply or die, we simply follow the bedazzling beckons of the enemy or give into his fearful threats of excommunication. We binge on Netflix to no end, we’re seduced by vile images on auto-pilot, we get drunk until the night becomes day, allowing our ship to be steered off course by the enemy far too long. Some of us cower behind closed doors, threatened that the day will come when we will be forced to chant an idol mantra and that we won’t be able to say ’No’. New believers shudder at the prospect of having to say ’No’ to their beloved parents: what will happen to me? to them? to my reputation? their lives? will I be thrown out of my home? Questions abound. Doubts paralyse our faith. We end up bribing men in power rather than refusing a bribe, get ahead in the line than get behind the bars because we said ’No’. Let’s face it: we have likely never learnt to use this phrase except to do our own will.

Yet, this one word in our mouths and our hearts dispels darkness and ushers in the light of God, through faith in Christ who sustains and secures us. How do we know this is even a Biblical thing to do? Listen to what James says in James 4:7: ”Resist the devil and he will flee from you”. Resist. The greek word antistemi has a war-like connotation: withstand, oppose. Push back. Put up a barricade against him. It is the same word used in 1 Peter 5:9, with an added injunction, ”Resist him [devil], [standing] firm in your faith” In this case, you are not called to flee the scene. You are called to protect your sacred house. Let him be the one to leave, you stand your ground. Shut the door of your heart on his face. Say a firm ’No’. Repeat it until he grows weary and leaves. Remember that the devil tempted Jesus with just three lies, and after Jesus’s stiff resistance, he left him (Matt 4:11). The devil has no patience for stiff resistance, he isn’t the persistent widow after all! Yet James doesn’t just stop at calling you to say ‘No’. He calls you to say ’Yes’ to someone else —to God (James 4:8). Christian warfare is an art. At the same time that we skillfully shut the back door on the devil and his lies, we keep the front door open to our Lord who commands His legions and secures our house. Our resistance, though it seems stiff for a time, is but for a little while (1 Pet 5:10) and God will bring us fresh comfort once we have stood our hour of trial.

I never told you what happened next in my story. My beloved parents had burnt their fingers with me and learnt a hard lesson. After I refused to bow down before the idols, I was never once forced to go to a temple, prostrate myself before these gods, or spread the holy ash on my forehead. At the same time, my communion with the Lord deepened and I found freedom to go to the church and worship the living God. With time, they began giving me rides to the church until one fine day, they entered the sanctuary with me to give me away as a bride to my now husband.

It all began with a simple resolution to say ‘No’. And God performed the rest of the act. Someone once wisely said to me, ”Stand with God, two feet together, and watch God leap you ten steps ahead!” Saying no to the devil seems trifle, but it is the sure way of seeing him out of God’s dwelling in us.

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